My desk calendar tells me it's June.
And according to the accompanying picture, I should be indulging in, or at least planning to indulge in, summery things like swimming pools, decks and leisurely summer days.
I don't have a pool, but I do have a deck, and a cottage rented for a week in August, and a week in July we will dedicate to visiting friends in Toronto and taking the kids to see Niagara Falls. Which they never have. Me either.
But I can't get in the spirit. Anthony says I have General Malaise, which I've shortened to "GM" for use in our conversations.
Anthony: "You have General Malaise."
Me: "I know. I'm always tired and grumpy and rushed. I don't want to be this way."
Anthony: "So snap out of it." (That's the advice Anthony got from his doctor when he asked how to solve his growing insomnia problem).
Me: "I can't just snap out of it. Maybe I need vitamins. Does B12 solve GM?"
Anthony: "You think about things too much. Stop thinking." (which is more advice from his doctor, given when Anthony asked how he could turn his mind off at night, to avoid the insomnia).
That may be true. But I don't think it's the thinking, to be honest. I think my GM problem is caused by too much work.
My kids and my mother keep me hopping. I never have time for me. If I do have any time left over after catering to the kids and my mother, I use it doing fun things like patching walls and scrubbing mold off the deck chairs.
Thus the GM.
I've decided I need a break. I will get a bit of a break from my kids, when they visit with their father over the summer. But then there's my mother.
We tried to talk her into going back to Winnipeg for July and August, to visit my sister, and/or any of her friends still alive and with some faculties in place.
We went back and forth for a month or two. She just didn't want to go.
So I booked her into a local seniors residence for the duration of the summer. She was content with this plan for two days, then announced to me today, that she really wanted to go to Winnipeg.
Me: "I thought you said you didn't want to go? We talked about it for several weeks, and you refused."
Her: "I'd like to see Eleanor."
Me: "But you told me she refused to have you stay with her. You got off the phone in tears and said you didn't want to talk about that option any more." (Eleanor is my older sister who lives in Winnipeg in grand retirement style. She had a very limited relationship with my mother before Sally came to live with me in Kookytown. And apparently she still doesn't want to see our mother.)
Her: (simpering look and voice) "Oh that. Well, maybe I could go for a few days. Poor Eleanor, she's all alone, you know."
Me: (rolling my eyes) "Yes, and we both know why don't we?"
My sister is divorced and estranged from virtually anyone she ever came in contact with. Including her own daughter.
Her: "Oh poor Eleanor..."
Honestly, I don't know how much longer I can last with Sally driving me mad. Madder than she is, at times.
I'm hoping this summer break will not only cure my GM, but shore me up for another long fall and winter in Kookytown.