So, it's past mid-July.
Summer is speeding by, and I know it will be fall and school and hustle-bustle once I blink my eyes.
It feels odd without my mother living here, and I feel strangely light. Anthony has said he notices a change too. It's amazing how much work and angst she adds to our menu, without trying.
Further, the kids will be leaving in a couple of days for a week with their father. They'll have a grand time, swimming like seals in a pristine northern Canadian lake, roughing it at the cottage with their cousins and storing up Vitamin D for the coming winter months. I can only imagine I'll feel so light without them, that I may float away.
I don't want the kids gone, but they also do add to the work and angst menu, without trying, and I realize that the lightness I feel is not the thought of their leaving so much, but the relief from responsibilities.
My chores are leaving.
I suddenly remember this feeling: this is how it was before children, before my mother aged, before I began to seriously worry about retirement savings and French immersion schooling and even about mortgages or next month's rent, for that matter.
I can't describe how good it feels, to shed all the background noise. This coming week will be about living in the moment, more-or-less. It's a state in which I used to dwell, unknowingly.
Not that I'll be completely responsibility-free, far from it. I will tend to the plants, do laundry and cook meals, fix things around the house, fetch groceries, write a few small articles for a little publication that hires me from time to time.
I'll pay bills as they come due, argue with the contractor who installed our garden doors incorrectly, exercise, and drive here-and-there, all in the maintenance of home and body.
It's just that relatively speaking, the load I will carry next week, when I'm deliciously alone in my house, puttering and nibbling and doing whatever I want, will be a far, far lighter thing than what I've been used to for so many years now.
And everything's relative, as you know.
Now, if only my relatives realized that :)