Tuesday, May 10, 2011

All the Usual Suspects...and All the Usual Dilemmas

Sal saw her doctor yesterday. She didn't have a thing to say about it when I asked her how it went.

But he called me and left a message:

Dr. M: "Delia, please call me to discuss your mom's visit today. She isn't taking the correct medication. And I need to discuss her memory."


I haven't been able to reach him so far, but the conversation will go something like this:

Me: "Doctor, she won't let me help her with the medication."
Doc: "She isn't taking the right pills."
Me: "Not hard to predict that. She can't remember if she's flushed the toilet by the time she stands up and pulls up her pants." (True)
Doc: "You must seize control Delia. You must help your mother."
Me: "Doc, you obviously have nnnnnnoooooooooo idea of the ridiculousness of what you just said."

By a mysterious coincidence, my mother was in such pain last night, she roamed about and kept me awake all night. This hasn't happened ever before. In my entire life. And hers.

But I know what it's all about.

The doctor told her she wasn't taking her correct pills. She is the supreme hypochondriac of the ages, and upon realizing her lovely meds were inappropriate, well, then, she MUST be in terrible pain. How could she not be? She wasn't taking all the correct, pretty pills. Sheesh.

Talk about placebo effect.

Meanwhile, in other kooky news, I had reported to you that Anthony's mother withdrew $1200 from her bank last week. At the time, we mused that it was probably Anthony's brother who weasled it out of her.

Well, we were wrong. It was Anthony's cousin (another no-good, unemployed leech in his 50s) who weasled it out of her.

It's gone for good, we know that. Cousin Jed won't be paying that back.

And yesterday, she removed $400 from the same account. We wonder if it's the cuz or the bro this time, for it's surely one or the other, off on a good drinking binge, or buying drugs. Or paying back thugs they owe money to, and it wouldn't be the first time.

If it were me, I'd have limited her access to $100/week, a loooooong time ago. But it's not me. It's Anthony who is her Power of Attorney.


  1. Damn! This is better than Dallas! I hope you go for weekly massages or blow-outs to help with the stress!

  2. Hard to believe that it's true, I know. But I stand by my claim that it is all the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the most painful truth. I could use a blow-out. Or a blow-up :)